i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
3 2 1 whiskey
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
