I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
