It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
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I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
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There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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