I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
