Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
This beer is not sobering me up at all
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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