Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
