It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize