What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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