I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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