ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
