it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You ate ashes out of my bong
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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