Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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