Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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