when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
