dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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