I'm lost and stupid without you.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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