you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Randomize
