The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
