Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I pour the whiskey from now on
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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