im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
