I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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