I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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