Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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