pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
