the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
