Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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