So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Randomize
