It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
