That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize
