i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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