my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
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