What tipped you off? The sombrero?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
