That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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