We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
