We're facebook friends in real life
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
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