Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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