I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
foreskin is a definite game changer
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
