Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
