Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
The beer is more important than you right now.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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