i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
