I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
