I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
