I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
