I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
