just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Shitshow foam night was such a success
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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