Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
