you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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