No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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