She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
She's just so happy...and so naked.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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