Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
