I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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