She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
