tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
