Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
