Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
