I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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