pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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