This girl is more easily done than said...
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
