okay pat passed out under dana's car
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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