he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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