mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
