Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Randomize