When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
