You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Everything about him screamed your future.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
