Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
