I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I booty called her while she was in labor.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Randomize
