I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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