Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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