some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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