i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
