I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
