eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
