she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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