2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
