also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Randomize
