Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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